Dear 24 Year Old Trudy,

This is the older more mature version of you writing to give you some hope and tidbits of advice from the future. This world is a hard place,  but keep going; be patient and persevere. I know this is not what you want to hear right now, when you are young, pretty, energetic and dying to “live the life”.

On Career

You will never be paid enough for the work you do – As long you are not the boss, your salary will never be worth the work you do. So if you want more money, moonlight or start a business. Who knows, by the time you are my age, you will be able to afford several of that Christian Louboutin shoe you admire on Pinterest everyday.

Bosses exist to make you feel stupid – That’s why he’s the boss; he has earned the right to keep telling you what’s up. (Sometimes in not so nice ways.) He also paid his dues in his rookie days and learned the lessons the hard way. You will too, someday.

It’s not what you earn, it’s what you learn – Ignore that pittance they call a salary and focus on acquiring as much skills as possible. The difference between you and that coveted higher-up colleague who parades herself in Prada and drives a Mercedes is experience. Get some!

Take criticism and botches in your stride – You are young and there is a lot of room for you to learn. Yes, you will mess up, sometimes you will get a slap on the wrist; other times you will have your balls castrated and hung up on a cross as an example for all the rookies (excuse the analogy). Take it in your stride; this criticism is strengthening you. One day you will tell your survivor stories to other rookies. If you mess up, ‘fess up and suck it up!

The workplace is a jungle – Every kind of animal is present in the corporate jungle. There is the lion, i.e. boss who will snap your neck if mess up. There’s the hyena, always lurking around him, waiting to eat his leftovers. Hyenas think they got power but they don’t. They are usually noticeable by their sinister laughter and appetite for gossip and all other things rotten. Snakes are just as nasty; they bite just because they can…bullies!Let’s not forget the peacock who does not work but prances about looking pretty. Busy bees are always up and about but have no work as evidence of their busy schedules. Then there is the owl who does all the work, burns the midnight oil but gets no recognition. Decide what animal you are and beware of your natural predators.

You will be judged by your work, period – Everything else is secondary, your opinion, your wealth or lack of thereof, your background, your clothes. This is where the world becomes a bit fair; do your job well it will soon out-shadow all your other deficiencies.

Beware of office gossip – It might seem like harmless chitchat over lunch, but this is potentially dangerous to you. Those who are so eager to talk about others are the ones most likely to backbite you too. Remember the snakes and hyenas; this bunch are malicious just for the sake of it.

You will always have friends who are more successful than you – That’s just life, sorry; there will always be people who are doing better than you as you hustle along. Don’t rush to ‘unfriend’ them on Facebook, but learn from them. Forget the nugu, just work harder because after all there is another friend who is admiring you.

Cover your arse (CYA) – Very important. There are always snipers who want to see you jobless, hungry and singing your “if only…” Watch out for this bunch by doing the right thing and being great at your job. Don’t let anything slip, never ever give them fodder for their canons.

Always keep transforming – Learn a new skill, read more and offer to do more at work. The master of re-invention guarantees survival for himself. Or herself, as the  case may be.

On Money

Girl, you are gonna go without… – A car, designer perfume, iPad, iPhone, snazzy house and those Christian Louboutin pumps. Place whatever you love the most in that empty space and get ready to do without it. Yes, you will admire it on other people because all pretty young things love pretty things. Newsflash: it is not forever! When you are my age, you will smile at these possessions and remember the hustle it took to get them.

Save and invest – You are going without because you need to save money and invest in the future. This is painful, but your savings will help you out on a rainy day. Trust me, I know how a little wad stashed under the mattress has saved me from certain pennilessness.

You will never, ever, have enough money – Stop whining and thinking your boss will quadruple your salary overnight. Don’t sit with the pathetic who are always complaining the money is not enough, because there are people who have done a lot more with far less. Move away from those ingrates and hang out with the hustlers; their hope and ‘never-say-die’ attitude will rub off on you.

On relationships

There is always a man better than the one you have – Yes, there is a man willing to do what you want, but are you willing to do what he wants? It all boils down to choices, love does not happen, you choose. Everyday you make a choice to stay or to go. If you choose to stay, it’s because you want to, not because you are scared you won’t find someone “like him”.

Flowers, chocolates, perfumes and cars do not mean he loves you – These are just gifts, materialistic goods bought with money. Look deeper and find what is within; don’t judge a man by his ability to shower you with gifts. Yes, we all love to be spoilt and we live in a very materialistic age, but don’t succumb to this.

Don’t let a man (or anyone for that matter) choose for you – You are a grown-ass woman capable of making your own informed decisions. You will regret giving that power to someone else.

There will only ever be one Daddy – Daddy was the first man in your life - to wipe away your tears, carry you, fuss over you, treat you like a princess, spoil you with chocolate and care for your every material need. He tried his best to provide, protect and love you, but at some point he knows his princess has to become someone’s queen. Have you ever heard of a queen being babysat by a king? That’s right, your husband can never be your father. Ever. There are things your husband can do that your father cannot. Steer clear of an Oedipus Complex.

Your heart will break, but it will mend – Your lovers will flee, your friendships will break and you will fight with your family and friends. This is part of the growing process. You will feel so alone and lonely, but you will survive. All those that seemed to stand with you won’t always be there, and the world will torment you; but never ever give up.

OK, enough with this pep talk; you’re gonna be alright, kiddo!

Love,

Older Trudy